Life of a Lady magazine

Dear Aunty Jean,

I am writing to ask if you believe in curses. I know that seems like a strange question, but I have had such a run of bad luck, that you wouldn’t believe it.

I was a very wealthy window of 76 before meeting my new husband while on holiday in the Bahamas. I couldn’t believe that he was attracted to me, being an Adonis of 23. He was a waiter at the hotel I was staying at and could have had any girl he wanted, but he took one look at me and said it was love at first sight for him!

We had a whirlwind romance and were married before my holiday was over. We went straight on to Paris for our honeymoon, briefly stopping in London so I could change my will with my solicitor.

It was in Paris that this bad luck began. My new husband couldn’t wait to get up the Eiffel Tower, he said it was a dream of his to see gay Paris from the top!

There I was, leaning over to look down at the beautiful view, when all of a sudden someone accidentally shoved me in the back and I plunged over the edge!

Fortunately there was a family fun day taking place at the bottom of the tower and I landed on a bouncy castle, which had just been inflated.

I have to say that despite my wealth, I took issue with the man in charge of the bouncy castle charging me 2 euros for using it. And he berated me for going on it with my shoes on.

But I digress!

My husband got down the tower as fast as he could and was overwhelmed to see that I was alive and well. He simply couldn’t stop crying!

The next piece of bad luck was when we were on the Pont des Arts bridge a couple of days later. We were romantically gazing into the Seine together and once again someone accidentally shoved me in the back! Down I went, and had a terrifying couple of seconds as I can’t swim and would have drowned, before I bounced back up again! My elasticated corset had caught on the side of the bridge and saved me! Up and down I went until a passing gendarme grabbed hold of me and pulled me back up. My husband, the poor lamb, had been unable to act himself as he was in shock!

Yesterday we went to the Pompidou Centre. And would you believe it? There we were leaning over an outside balcony at the top of the centre when yet another idiot shoved me in the back and down I went!

Incredibly there was a delivery of 50,000 marshmallows being taken inside for the centre cafeteria and I landed on them.

My husband was in tears again!

Do you think that someone has actually put a curse on me?

I am almost afraid to go out now!

Yours, leaning over the edge, Charmain, London (currently Paris)

Aunty Jean says:

Dear leaning Charmain,

Well, it’s true that some people do in fact get cursed. My own dear late Uncle George was the victim of a curse. He said that a gypsy had placed one on him when he refused to buy a pack of clothes pegs at his front door one day.

This curse made him go into a trance every time he went into a public convenience. In all the 27 times that he was (wrongly) arrested for soliciting in men’s public lavatories he had no idea what he was doing in there! Sadly the magistrates that he was brought before were sceptics and he ended up with a police record as long as your arm.

So I do know what the power of a curse can be!

However, you’re not under one and your husband is trying to murder you.

Hope that helps! Aunty Jean

Remember! Leave everything to the dogs’  home!