Life of a Lady Magazine

To comply with public decency laws, today’s letter has had to be heavily censored.

Dear Aunty Jean,

I am a young man of 22 and have recently started to censored censored and censored, with a great deal of enthusiasm and often find myself censored censored with two buckets of censored, censored and a plastic censored censored.

It made me feel censored and then censored, without dried fruit which censored censored and censored, after the horse had bolted obviously, which is why I censored censored censored censored and after that voted Conservative for the first time. Which is no real surprise under the circumstances.

I know that I am unusual in that I censored censored when most people would censored. And then not usually at the weekend.

I did censored censored while standing in the queue at censored and then I censored again at the Pig and Whistle.

Generally I am quite censored.

How would you approach my problem? Where do I stand legallly?

Yours, askew, Bobby, Cheltenham

Aunty Jean says:

Dear askew Cheltenham,

How would I approach it? With a bottle of disinfectant and a pair of latex gloves!

While molesting yourself isn’t actually illegal, where you do fall down is doing it in public. You have got away with doing it in a Tesco supermarket THIS TIME and the sales assistant may well have fallen for you pretending you had an epileptic knee, but you’ll come unstuck one of these days!

The trouble with the youth of today is that you’re all sex obssessed. What’s wrong with a jigsaw?

Get a metaphorical grip of yourself lad!

Hope that helps!

Remember! Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man get an essential 8 hours sleep a night which contributes to a healthy mental attitude and relieves stress on the cardiovascular system!


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