Dear Aunty Jean,
we are a very respectable couple and have always lived happily in our beautiful semi-detached house on a nice road here in Whitstable.
We are quite easy-going but our patience has been tried to the limit by our new neighbours.
They seemed very nice when they first moved in but we have been very disturbed by all the noise we get from them.
Three nights a week they have a group of friends round and it is hell on earth!
We are assuming they are part of an ‘Asthma Support Group’ judging by all the heavy breathing we can hear coming through the walls. While we sympathise with them for having defective lungs, couldn’t they hire out the local church hall for their meetings?
After the breathing we have the song ‘You Sexy Thing’ playing on a loop. They must be doing some dance related exercises to improve fitness and lung capacity, but what’s wrong with ‘Danny Boy’?
If we go upstairs to get away from it all, we still get no peace as they are using their bed as a trampoline. We go into our own bedroom and all we get is their headboard violently slamming against the dividing wall!
As I say, these health and fitness ideas are all well and good, I don’t criticize people with bronchial problems for getting fit, but the noise really is too much.
How should we approach them about it? We don’t want to fall out with them, we’ve always been very popular locally and people often ask to borrow our lawnmower.
Should we suggest the church hall to them or what?
Yours, taking a dim view of our neighbours, Binky and Peter, Whitstable
Aunty Jean says:
Dear Dimwhit,
it isn’t acceptable at all that you have to put up with this noise nuisance!
But I do understand that you don’t want to cause any ill feeling.
My suggestion therefore is this: pop round with a sponge cake the next time they have their friends there and ask if you can join in.
Once inside, as they get their physical jerks underway, you could perhaps drop out to them that the church hall has got a lot more room and they could really let themselves go there. Maybe they could even club together for a proper trampoline? Their bed will be completely ruined if they keep on abusing it like that!
As for the music, I don’t know the song you allude to. It sounds somewhat pornographic. I suppose they haven’t realised? Why don’t you take round a nice Daniel O’Donnell album for them? They must be quite fed up of hearing the same thing over and over.
Just tell them you’ve heard everything from the other side of the wall and you have been desperate to join them in their physical activities.
These types of support groups always need new members and I’m sure they will welcome you with open arms!
Hope that helps! Aunty Jean
Remember! Is that an inhaler in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me!
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