Hot Chat Magazine

Dear Aunty Raine,

I’ve got this mate, yeah an’ ‘er name is Spatula-May and she is reely pissin’ me off, yeah, cos she’s after my boyfriend and when she come round to our ‘ouse last week she kept comin’ on to ‘im. She took off ‘er top an’ was standin’ there in ‘er bra and she said ‘oh, soz, I fort I ‘ad a t shirt on underneef it.

An’ she ‘as got reely big wotsits an’ all so I was jellyous.

My boyfriend was starin’ but ‘ee sed after, that ‘ee weren’t lookin’ but ‘ee was cos I seen ‘is eyes. An they was deffo lookin’ at ‘er big chesties.

I am writin’ to u cos I rit to Aunty Jeen before wiv a problem last year from life of a lady magazine an she was a cow.

So I want to no if I shud ban my mate from my ‘ouse or just ‘av a fight wiv ‘er?

Yours, wunderin wot 2 doo, collagen, Clacton

Aunty Raine says:

Dear wunderin doo,

I am sorry that you had a bad experience with Aunty Jean, but she is a nasty old bat and it’s best to ignore her. Which is what most of her readers must do as her advice is so crap.

I must say I admire you. I’d have had something to say to my fella if I’d seen him ogling my friend’s brazier.

Yes, ban her and her breasts from the house, I’m not going to say you should fight her though. I don’t know how tasty she is with her fists and I wouldn’t want you to end up with a broken nose as well as a worthless tosser for a boyfriend, as he clearly is given that he didn’t put a cushion over his face when she got her gazongas out.

Good luck with it all and let me know how you get on!

Yours, Aunty Raine

Remember! When your friend gets her baps out for your boyfriend it may be time to re-evaluate your relationship!